I want to have your abortion
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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