Im at strip club and am horny
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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