Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
