the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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