am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So much rum. So many feels.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
