Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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