He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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