found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
