I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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