im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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