Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
