the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
