I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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