it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize