Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
