John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize