You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
