Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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