On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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