What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
