If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize