i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
