I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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