Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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