She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
