she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
