After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
