turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A+ Viking dick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
