i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
