At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
