He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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