Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dick very happy bro
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
