got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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