i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize