Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
