dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize