saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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