My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
