I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
