I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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