dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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