make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
