Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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