no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
