Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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