Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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