I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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