OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
