What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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