why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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