You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i came on her dog
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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