my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize