i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize