So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
