dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
