took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
