I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
