my mouth tastes like poor choices
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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