I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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