My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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