i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize