Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you would pick up someone in the library
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
