I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this just has baby written all over it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
