I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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