batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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