I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
