Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
