Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
