why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I party with great urgency now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize