Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
