Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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