2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
